John: Make Dave feel better

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▲: hi there!

▼: okay so heres the deal stranger
▼: the low down
▼: the 411 if you will
▼: usually i dont bother with these lame chat sites
▼: but ive been watching aladdin on repeat for the last six hours while shoving nothing but jelly beans down my throat
▼: because thats what my bro says is the cure for the common cold
▼: and even if thats pure and utter bullshit
▼: its the only food ive got

▲: dave? is that you??

▼: so my tolerence level is pretty high right now
▼: yes yes strider at your service

▲: awesome! i found you on the first try!

▼: beginners luck then
▼: step into my office
▼: what can i do for you
▼: actually fuck that the real question is what can you do for me

▲: i can probably suggest a better cure for the common cold!

▼: actually
▼: that would be beyond fantastic
▼: maybe even marvelous
▼: stupendous even

▲: rose suggested drinking hot tea with honey, eating animal crackers, and watching something silly on tv!
▲: i tried it and i got over my last cold in a record three days!
▲: bro seriously told you to eat nothing but jelly beans?? that's so not healthy!

▼: i dont think i could ever lower myself to drink tea even in the worst of situations
▼: yeah its one of his crazy schemes
▼: he says its all to make me stronger or some shit
▼: that i need to be prepared for the future

▲: you could always add applejuice to the tea to make it taste better!

▼: but i think maybe he just gets off on my suffering
▼: i dont think we even have any tea
▼: how do you even make that shit

▲: just boil water, add the packet of tea leaves, and let it sit for a few minutes.

▼: and if we did have tea who knows where the fuck bro hid it

▲: in the dishwasher, next to the fireworks? hehehehe!

▼: actually
▼: hold on let me check that

▲: oh man i was kidding! you guys really keep fireworks in the dishwasher??

▼: where else
▼: anyways no luck finding tea there

▲: my dad keeps ours in the basement, next to the power tools, which i am not supposed to touch.
▲: did you ask him if you guys had any?

▼: that would be the worst possible thing to do in this situation
▼: if i ever want to get my hands on it
▼: i cant just ask him where it is

▲: hmmm...well, you could always heat up some apple juice instead. any hot drink would probably help you!

▼: alright
▼: be right back as i rid the microwave of more of these shitty puppets

▲: okay!

▼: yeah okay ill admit it
▼: this is surprisingly soothing
▼: color me impressed

▲: yay, it worked!
▲: just wait, soon you'll be feeling better than ever!

▼: egbert its like youre the perfect little housewife

▲: h-hey! i don't act like a housewife! i'm just helping my best bro!

▼: isnt your house all neat and tidy and shit

▲: th-that's because of my dad! he likes to keep things neat and clean!
▲: i mean, i like things orderly, but i'm not obsessive about it!

▼: can you cook

▲: ...
▲: ...maybe

▼: could you make me a sandwich

▲: if i was at your place, maybe i would. but i wouldn't know where anything is!

▼: join the club
▼: but that wouldnt be a problem for very long with you around

▲: i don't know...there's no way i'd be able to keep up with one strider, let alone two!
▲: you two would probably re-wreck the place before i could finish cleaning one room!

▼: i guess youre probably right
▼: so then my only option would be to visit you then

▲: yeah! that would be so fun! we could watch awesome movies and stuff! you'd feel better in no time!

▼: and lets be honest a little strider in your life would do you worlds of good
▼: youd become the coolest kid in the state just by having me sleep on your couch

▲: heheheh! now you have to come over soon!

▼: is that an invitation
▼: cause i have a suitcase begging to be used as soon as possible

▲: yay! my dad says he'd be fine with it!

▼: oh woah
▼: is this
▼: is this happening

▲: dude, this is totally happening!
▲: and dad just offered to pay for half your airfare!

▼: okay
▼: okay
▼: not to freak you out
▼: but excuse me as i go duel my brother for the other half

▲: oh man! you shouldn't push yourself! don't make your cold any worse than it is!

▼: its okay man
▼: since you know i love you and shit
▼: so it has to be done

▲: are you sure? i'm sure if i ask my dad, he can cover the rest!

▼: no way this is how stuff goes down in the strider household
▼: dont worry i dont even have to win
▼: so long as i impress

▲: just take it easy, okay?

▼: ill be back john
▼: im making this happen

▲: okay. i'll be waiting here!

▼: okay so after endless humiliation
▼: and several new bruises later
▼: this is happening

▲: oh my gosh! this is going to be so epic!!

▼: not gonna lie
▼: i might shit myself from excitement

▲: me too! i can't stop grinning, i'm so happy!

▼: in theory cool guys dont grin
▼: but yeah pretty much me too

▲: when you get here, i will personally make you that sandwich you wanted!
▲: i can just picture you ironically smirking right now!

▼: its so ironic
▼: because its a sincere smile and im not supposed to be sincere
▼: and thats the irony john

▲: dude this is gonna be great! i gotta get the spare room set up!

▼: oh man dont go through that extra effort
▼: a couch is all i need

▲: dave, you are not sleeping on the couch! that thing is uncomfortable!

▼: then ill sleep on your bedroom floor or something
▼: ill pack a sleeping bag

▲: we've got one here, if you want it!

▼: then there we go
▼: man you have no idea what you just got yourself into

▲: what do you mean?

▼: strider in person is at least ten time better

▲: oh man i am freaking out so much i don't know what to say!
▲: i'm such a derp.
▲: herp derp!

▼: thats the best word to describe you
▼: there are no others
▼: none

▲: heheheh!

▼: well uh i guess the next thing i should do is look up ticket prices

▲: oh yeah! you should probably do that soon!
▲: oh gosh this is insane! i can't believe i'm gonna meet THE dave strider in person!!
▲: when i see you, i'm gonna give you the biggest bro-hug ever!!

▼: you better get ready to swoon

▲: i think what i'm doing right now counts as swooning! or maybe it's hyperventilating.

▼: whatever it is you should probably get a glass of water or something
▼: cant have you dying on me

▲: okay, gimme a second. i need to breathe now.
▲: okay....okay, that's better. i feel much better now.

▼: not for long
▼: hey john hey guess what

▲: what??

▼: sometime in the near future
▼: we can play catch or whatever it is men do to bond

▲: you mean like watching awesome movies,
▲: scarfing down endless bowls of popcorn,
▲: and passing out from caffeine overdose at five in the morning?

▼: exactly